Writers never die…

Writers never die…

…but sometimes they lay uninspired thinking about the moonlight at 4:30 in the morning but it’s really two in the afternoon.

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While the alarm clock is going off in another room far away the music keeps drowning it out.

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Obsessed with the passing of time and passing of friends.
Each keep ticking by and are gone forever.

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Neither missed nor remembered for more than their worth. Nothing remembered. Nothing forgotten…


I may have been dreaming…

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Holding tightly onto your Rich name and other phrases of such words that hold on to so much of my past.
Remind me again, please?
Why I left those things behind that make my belly tighten and twist with your meer whisper?

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Endlessly – you used to run rampant in my mind; wild and madly, free and enchanting.
Whirlwind wherever you went.
Chaos and anger were your solace.

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Blindly throughout I followed around on your coattails, hoping you’d see my shadow…
But now, a different time, a different place. Can we even say we know each other?

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Long stares you give across the room are deep… beckoning.
Like a polar force, soft kisses echo between our lips making the only sound.

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Gone. Again, he runs right through me…

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Once your movements were angry and harsh, but tonight you run fluid around me, circles and steps that make me spin! Into your arms I fall from grace as you catch me and look into my soul. For what? A clue? An answer? A reason to keep moving?

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I blink and I’m alone again.

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He looks so peaceful. His lanky form – dancing in the dark, deafening music. Strong and refined…

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…slowly, becoming scared of his growing lust, I hide – not well.
The rhythms are quickening his pace…
– spinning, he looses his past that was just barely hiding.

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Alone, I was found – by a lack of wall that was jumped in blinding passion – trapped by the same wayward walls that sustained the majestic throes of two Scorpio lovers.

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(…never again shall I see that stall quite like it was that night.)

Silence.

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I may have been dreaming… or maybe a dream come true?
Or maybe, now, I’m trying to suicide the past with eternal sunshine.

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Otherwise, I’m drowning in his isolated, cruel vanity…
Trying in vain to purify what once should never have been and never will again…

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Whoosh!!! That was a blast from the past! Hope ya liked it bitches!

Love & Light

– Kitty

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Adultery, Cheating, “Emotional” Cheating, Lies & Other Things we do…

Adultery, Cheating, “Emotional” Cheating, Lies & Other Things we do…

…are they ever justified? Forgivable? Are we able to “move forward“? ”Forget the past“? “Live and let learn?” …or any other cliche to make us feel better?

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I just watchd a TV show where deplorable acts were just fixed with simple sorries or lust- filled ignorant bliss! Either that, or dramatic overtures of hatred and spite, followed by eternal silence.

Are those our only options?


What is REALLY the apporpiriate response when the deepest of trust is broken, shattered, cracked or just nicked?

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Trust is like a mirror,

you can fix it if it’s broken,

but you can still see the crack

in that mother fucker’s reflection.

– Lady Gaga


I suppose every stitch is different…


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Personally- I forgave… didn’t quite forget.. (at first..)

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Other times- vengence was on the menu.

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Yet, others- don’t even register on my radar any more…

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THEN- I wonder: what about when I was the offender?

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How was I perceived?

Am I secretly hated somewhere? Did I break a heart? Have I been forgiven or forgotten? Immortalized? Cursed?


Is it different when a man betrays a womanor vice versa?

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Who hurts whom worse?

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My bet is on us, Females!

We may ACT like it hurts more.. but 98% of the time, the MEN loose more..

That’s right… I said it…


Later, Bitches!

💖 Katness

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The Salmon/Ostritch Method – Spawning in the Sand

The Salmon/Ostritch Method – Spawning in the Sand

I clearly can see my future,

Beyond the struggle and strife,

My path slowly reveals itself,

The so-called “silver lining” shines,

Or was it just a glimmer?

Muddied and murky with silt,

Like a deep,

Lenghthy,

Flowing puddle.

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Sometimes,

The puddle is smooth as glass,

Others it’s a wild, running river,

Raging downstream towards life.

Cold, silent under currents,

Sharp, looming boulders,

The perfect landscape for chaos,

A backdrop to my sanity,

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As I stand upstream-

Safely planted ashore,

Gazing aapprehensively,

Paralyzed with inexplicable fear,

For I procured the recipe,

“How to Manifest My Own Destiny”

Unfortunately, it’s hidden – nay lost,

Within the dark, endless files of my mind.

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Will I leave sand for water?


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It’s Been a While…

Sorry to my few followers..

I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted..

I doubt any of you even noticed anyway..

Well, I’ve been busy, lazy, injured, physically AND… emotionally busy, injured and lazy…


So! My thoughts for today- What is Love… exactly?


I could post COUNTLESS pics – memes – whatever you call them…

O000h..Kaaay.. I get that…


You’re getting closer…


THAT sounds about right…


Okay! Now we’ve collected enough random quotes to basically describe what “LOVE”… true, sick, honest, beautiful, wonderful, hateful, jealous, painful, once-in-a-life-time “True Love”.

(that’s MY cupid.. )

I’m so sickly, head-over-heels in love… No matter WHAT, I love my man…

::insert picture of my sexy fiancee::

(Naaaaht! [in best “Borat” accent])

(I won’t post his real pic out of respect and privacy)

He’s the smartest, most talented, brave, tough, sensitive, loving and most wonderful man I ever met.. despite his faults.. (and, fortunately, he feels the same about mine.. [which are many]… most of the time…)

As per “Juno” (one of the greatest cinimatic movies of that generation)

“In my opinon, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person will still think the sun shines out your ass. That’s the kind of person that’s worth sticking with.”
Diablo Cody, Juno: The Shooting Script

Aaaaand… that’s pretty much what I gots.. (don’t be jelly.. 😉

Sure- we fight.. He says mean things, I say mean thingswe hurt each other – but ONLY because we know how! (I think that’s a testament of our deep and profound Love and relationship..)

The fact that (so far) we’ve managed to work it all out… eventually… shows how deeply we know, understand and respect each other. It’s kinda a “Catch 22”, so to speak.. because as much as we push each other’s buttons, we ALSO know how to push the good ones! 😉

It’s not always “great”.. There are A LOT of tears shed, on both parts… BUT there is a TON of FUN also!

(IMHO, Love & Hate are two sides of the same coin..)

Think about it; is there someone, who may or may not be in your life, that at one point you LOVED but now HATE? (that’s for cereal..)

Likewise, is there someone whom you truly think you HATE that you actually never even LIKED?

Well, the my friends isn’t Hate (you just despise them..)

TOTALLY different!


Anyway, I LITERALLY would rather do nothing with HIM than anything with ANY ONE else! I know that sounds lame.. but it’s TRUE! (and actually love)

Awwww… so true..


Awwwz.. even MORE true and adorable!


WAIT! Now hold up a hot minute before you stop reading! …I have a real TRUTH and/or test of sorts for you!

I’ma let you in on a little-known, and completely true, testament of TRUE Love… (with out awkward convos or spilling out “I Love You” TOO SOON!)


Okay- first, we set the “stage”

  • You two are having a meal or a snack, watching The Martian (perhaps you ordered a shitty salad or no fun pop corn – and he has a freaken delicious “man food”.. which he is more than happy to give you a bite of..) Suddenly – out of nowhere, your stupid salad or fat-free popcorn is gone and yet- he still has about 3 bites left of greasy “man food”.

  • One of two things WILL happen:
  • He will continue to devoir his food and lick his greasy fingers in a very unsexy way,
  • OR he will offer your glazed-over-eyes-and-slightly-watering-mouth THE LAST BITE (sometimes two bites!) …and sexily let YOU lick the grease off his fingers. (ok… that last part might be gross.. IDK..)


Either way – there is a subconscious act happening!

  • Scenario One– you are just straight up BOOTY to him! :/ (ain’t no shame in the game if that’s what’s up)
  • Scenario Two– He Loooooves you! 🙂 By giving you that tiny morsel he is tapping into his “primal instinct” to “provide” for you.. AKA – not just bump uglyies, but have cave babies with you! (if that’s what’s up of course.)


This is a tried, true and tested method of finding his emotions without being stupid and “having a talk” with him.. Guys HATE that shit! (well, MOST guys..)


TRUST me on this one! My Love always saves me a bite (or at least offers..) and it makes my heart just SOAR!


OK- so, that’s my brief take on certain, yet important, points of love..

Hope this dropped some Zen on ya! Be well!

– light & love, Katness

Live..

Live..

Preemptive: I may have borrowed this and/or some of the prose… I found it in an unmarked conversation in which I wasn’t sure if I was the writer or the recipient… I changed so much of it, that it barely matters… My apologies to whomever I borrowed words.. I feel I adapted enough of it to my own.. you were just an inspiration… Thank you though…

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Live…

I live in a time and place
Where little nothing’s mean everything,
and your everything is my tomorrow,
your kisses are words,
my mouth your ears.
Our voices just silhouettes in silence.
In this place,
you mean more than nothing to me.


I lived in a time and place
where time once stood still.
Looks were blind,
touch was pain,
and in this place-
you were lost to me.
I couldn’t see past my void.
You were my blind pain,
and I meant more than nothing to you,


You lived in a time and place
Where your soft, caring eyes,
your confident voice,
your creative soul,
and unbridled passion
were masked just
under the weight of your own fear.
Your brilliance,
just hidden.
Naïve ignorance
purely unjustified,
because you were missing my nothing.


I lived in a time and place
where my simples lyrics,
beautiful sighs,
and naked body,
were looking to fill a void
Trying with trysts that were
despicable and despised.
Hate was the new love.
Unknowingly, blindly,
still missing your nothing.


Now-

We live in a time and place
where beauty is in the eye
of the beholder,
but everyone is blind.
We don’t see ourselves
through our own eyes.
They say-
‘An eye for an eye,
leaves us all blind’
yet that’s not the case.
I see you,
and you see me.


We live in this time and place
where backwards became forwards.
Our tears once formed rivers,
waterfalls, and filled lakes.
Now, the sun only comes out at night,
where libations break down walls,
only to build them up again,
then down,
and up.
Callouses forming each time.


I live in a time and place
where you and I now
share the same space.
Take all the past,
throw it away.
Start our new path,
and make every day okay.
Better yet,
make the future,
our future,
perfect for you and me.
I’ll love you forever
as long as you forgive me forever.


Light & Love!

Katness

Here again… A Love Story

Well, seems I write my best late at night, when everything is still & quiet..

So- I’m going to tell you a story. It’s not a story that pertains to my current life – not really something I particularly dwell on – just something I saw on TV that made me think about it.


Once upon a time – as all great stories go – there was a was a man

and a woman…

destined?

Not quite… Love? I’m completely sure. (Not at ALL like the love I have now… The love I have now is pure and true..) But the love back then was younger, a little more stupid, a little more unpredictable, and clearly – not meant to be.


::spoiler alert:: He didn’t make it… at all…


As the song goes – “I’ll start from the very beginning, a very good place to start…”

I was 18 – young, dumb and full of myself… He was 24, young, and full of HIMself… but not dumb… in fact he was so worldly and knowledgeable and I think that is what drew me in.


We met at a seedy bar – Karaoke Night – he was hanging out with the DJ – I thought he worked there… I got up and drunkenly sang “Closer” by NIN (I LOVE NIN)

Afterwards, I plopped back at my table – half embarrassed, half exhilarated… half hysterical… then I feel a tap on my shoulder…

I feel like I should tell you what I looked like; 5’10”, l60, short, dark, pixy cut hair, pierced lip, 5-6 holes in each ear, wide leg jeans, and a tank top… It was the 90’s, I was trying to pull off this punk rock /raver/ goth thing… Don’t judge!! He was just in jeans and a yellow shirt – BUT he also had a pierced lip…

So after the tap on my shoulder all he said was “I like that thing in your lip…”

Stumbling and flabbergasted and tripping over my Words – all I could say was “I like that thing in YOUR lip…”

Him: “I can’t believe you just sang that” Me: “Yeah, well, I’m a little drunk…” giggled… blushed… and that was it… We exchanged numbers – talked on the phone every night – found out he owned a record shop (How Awesome?) and after a few dates, that’s where we spent the majority of the time.


Now- the rest of the story is blurry.. He loved, and I loved- he despised – I followed like a lost puppy. We danced- broke up- got back together – I got him the most thoughtful gifts – He got me wilted flowers and pregnant a day late after Valentine Day, I gave all I could… it wasn’t good enough.

We ended up braking up… in a DINER.. and he left me with the check! Therefore, I felt justified to dump our food & cigarettes, plus other patrons, all over his car!

THEN – My so – called – best- friend took up my sloppy seconds.


Now- I don’t know EXACTLY what happened next… Just that when I found out he Killed Himself I was in the parking lot of a hotel in which we once got stranded.

Then I realized that I saw him that night… and wished he were deadWords I will never utter again.


He was talented, beautiful, smart, and a waste of a young life. Not a day goes by that I don’t miss him or wonder what or where he’d be right now..


Point of story; suicide is NEVER the answer… You leave behind to many broken hearts and unanswered questions… I’ve thought about it… then I think of him – and all the mess I’d leave behind… including; most importantly, my cat, my family, my Love and what few friends remain.

You may feel alone- but you’re NOT! You will leave an unattainable, empty hole SOMEWHERE…


He may not have been my greatest love- but he was my first – and I see him everywhere… My Adonis.


Thanks for reading…

Light & Love!

Katness

Collide into You

The universe
blew us as far apart as possible
only to bring us back together

The universe
expanding and contracting
just like our love

Little did we know
everything we went through
happened the same way

Years have passed
but not a single minute
one look and I was back.

I always knew we were epic
but had no idea
how much I missed you.

So much hurt and hate
dissolved with one smile
one laugh and I forgot.

How do you do this
to me you’re still a mystery
yet familiar and home.

All I need now
is a kiss to seal it
to make sure I’m not crazy.

Maybe I am
which means so are you
crazy in me.