Welcome to Judgement…

Welcome to Judgement…

..That’s what they told me when I was in the ER for hallucinating and being sleep deprived..

Straitjacket.jpg


Thusly, I was admitted to the Psych Ward of that hospital for opiate addiction of all things… (despite my negative tox screen..) My real problem was too much Vyvanse and not enough Xanax, drifting in and out of lucid dreaming, too much TV and not enough time out of my room. What I really needed was a sedative, a nap and a paranoia reality check!

NO SLEEP


P.S. Psych Wards in actual hospitals are the worst places to put a “supposed” addict, (who’s in mind numbing pain, and couldn’t even get an Advil..) which wasn’t what I needed treatment for anyway..


I could start telling you all the crazy stuff I was prescribed at the time.. or all the crazy stuff I supposedly “hallucinated” (maybe I am crazy for thinking it was real..)



download (1)


safe_image


but that might be a different story for a different time…


The point is; the actual place I was forced to stay in was a dirty, disgusting, degrading, uncomfortable, and overall miserable and mind numbing establishment!

insane_65


Conditions At Willowbrook State School


1


It was one of the most stupid and biggest waste of time I’ve ever spent.

Even better was they made it seem like it was my choice, but if I DIDN’T sign, I’d lose the chance to leave in 3 days, (which never happens btw.. it’s just the carrot on a stick..) OR I could be involuntarily committed, in which case, I’d have to be there for an indeterminate amount of time. (Thanks, Mom..)


I ended up there about a week… barely ate, the food was a disgrace because they served the whole hospital FIRST so when our wing… actually, technically it was another building, finally got it (late, naturally) it was soggy and cold… and usually unrecognizable! The only decent foodthey occasionally tossed our way was either yogurt, pudding or, what I found to be putrid, the “Crustables” …pre packaged PB&J with no crusts… like crusts were too dangerous for us!

hospital-food


Then there’s my fellow patients who were not only co-ed, but co-issues!

We had:

  • schizoid
  • borderline
  • PTSD
  • brain damage (from an OD)
  • things I couldn’t even identify!
  • ..and a rainbow of other mental health problems

mixed with addicts in all:

  • shapes
  • sizes
  • ages
  • personalities (or lack there of)
  • manners
  • social standing
  • brain function
  • and D.O.C. (Drug of Choice)

3d-printed-pills-personalizing-medicine4.jpg


Ironically, I still couldn’t sleep -which was why I was there in the first place – because I was sleeping on a piece of plywood with a one inch, poor excuse of a mattress.

Alarm clock showing 3 a.m.


It kinda worked out because I was usually first awake and could get the fresh towels that didn’t smell like wet dog, (why did hospital towels smell like wet dog?!) I could shower in peace.. in a somewhat clean shower that begged the question; “By whom and when was this place cleaned?!” …because it still had that band-aid stuck to it from yesterday and some curious dark stains on the tile…

Afterward, I was allowed to wash the few pieces of clothing I had. Mama didn’t know what to bring… my brother should be visiting shortly, hopefully he can grab something cute! (Missed the mark a little… people thought I worked there!! I was soooo not prepared for this!)

gross-shower.jpg


It was a real treat… the only things I took from the experience were; being able to touch and help a few lives, learned some new tricks, and how to convince people I’m not crazy… even though I still believe.. 😉

wpc365e25c_02.jpg


It did not:

  • do my psyche/mental health any good.
  • dieter me from using my prescription opiates.
  • teach me anything I didn’t already know.
  • provide me with a realistic after care plan.

It DID:

  • embarrass me.. in front of family, friends and worst of all, an old friend/co-worker who just so happened to work there…
  • introduce me to a cute, funny, seemingly normal guy… who ended up eight shades of crazy! (What did I expect?!)
  • give me a funny story to tell, at least…

Word of Advice to Self:

Next time, keep your crazy bottled up like normal people!!


I feel like I have more to add, but I need to join reality now…

TINY MIRACLES


Later, Bitches! 💖

50f5ac2ba51809240ca1f37b4062e166--tattoo-cat-cat-tattoos



P.S. – This is me an’ my girls jam from the weekend!! (We just look like good girls.. ) 😉

Bad Girls

Advertisements

Mind Circles: Rapidly Growing Word Trees

Mind Circles: Rapidly Growing Word Trees

…I had a few ideas of what I wanted to write about.. I even made a little note.. I tried to commit new information to memory(Not an easy task for me)

image

image


My idea’s Were as follows:


  • The concept & deeper meaning of the term: “Throwing in the Towel”.image

  • How HE could hold in anger all night– then rip into me over something else– so he could tie in “the real issue”. (I hate that because “little earlier issue” could have been quashed!)image

 

  • How I could LOVE someone so much – that I would do anything just to make his life happier and easier. (within my means…)image

  • How he’s gotten me to “appreciate” – even like – some boxing movies. <<–best 10 fighters, btw…

(Even though I abhor violence, I did learn stuff..)

image


  • Almost forgot one… How these all tie together – what order they really happened, & then order will publish them…

image

image


  • Oh, yeah, and if I get time… Fuckn’ Asteroids – those alien seed droppers are cray crazy! (But don’t really tie in..)

image


  • I just can’t seem to focus… my brain is just going in too many tangents…

image


Don’t worry…

Be back soon!!

50f5ac2ba51809240ca1f37b4062e166--tattoo-cat-cat-tattoos

I Have No Idea Where This is Going

So, I’m starting this here blog.. I’m going to tell whomever is reading, if anyone is, things I know.  

I know a LOT about a lot of things.. Love, beauty, hate, friendships, relationships, art of all kinds, understanding people, understanding LIFE.. the universe, etcetera, etcetera… I have no idea where this will take me..or you.. or even if anyone will listen…

First off: I borrowed my tag line from Atmosphere.  They rule my life… If that’s a problem, keep moving.  If you don’t know who they are, find out.   If you admire them as much as I do, we’ll get along just fine… (I end every sentence with a dot dot dot.. – Slug, [of Atmosphere])

That’s my REAL INTRO…

Hope to hear from some of you… Or at least hope you READ this.  I write real good.. 😉