You Belong Here…

You Belong Here…

..That’s what they told me when I was in the ER for hallucinating and being sleep deprived..

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Thusly, I was admitted to the Psych Ward of that hospital for opiate addiction of all things… (despite my negative tox screen..) My real problem was too much Vyvanse and not enough Xanax, drifting in and out of lucid dreaming, too much TV and not enough time out of my room. What I really needed was a sedative, a nap and a paranoia reality check!

NO SLEEP


P.S. Psych Wards in actual hospitals are the worst places to put a “supposed” addict, (who’s in mind numbing pain, and couldn’t even get an Advil..) which wasn’t what I needed treatment for anyway..


I could start telling you all the crazy stuff I was prescribed at the time.. or all the crazy stuff I supposedly “hallucinated” (maybe I am crazy for thinking it was real..)


 


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but that might be a different story for a different time…


The point is; the actual place I was forced to stay in was a dirty, disgusting, degrading, uncomfortable, and overall miserable and mind numbing establishment!

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Conditions At Willowbrook State School


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It was one of the most stupid and biggest waste of time I’ve ever spent.

Even better was they made it seem like it was my choice, but if I DIDN’T sign, I’d lose the chance to leave in 3 days, (which never happens btw.. it’s just the carrot on a stick..) OR I could be involuntarily committed, in which case, I’d have to be there for an indeterminate amount of time. (Thanks, Mom..)


I ended up there about a week… barely ate, the food was a disgrace because they served the whole hospital FIRST so when our wing… actually, technically it was another building, finally got it (late, naturally) it was soggy and cold… and usually unrecognizable! The only decent foodthey occasionally tossed our way was either yogurt, pudding or, what I found to be putrid, the “Crustables” …pre packaged PB&J with no crusts… like crusts were too dangerous for us!

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Then there’s my fellow patients who were not only co-ed, but co-issues!

We had:

  • schizoid
  • borderline
  • PTSD
  • brain damage (from an OD)
  • things I couldn’t even identify!
  • ..and a rainbow of other mental health problems

mixed with addicts in all:

  • shapes
  • sizes
  • ages
  • personalities (or lack there of)
  • manners
  • social standing
  • brain function
  • and D.O.C. (Drug of Choice)

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Ironically, I still couldn’t sleep -which was why I was there in the first place – because I was sleeping on a piece of plywood with a one inch, poor excuse of a mattress.

Alarm clock showing 3 a.m.


It kinda worked out because I was usually first awake and could get the fresh towels that didn’t smell like wet dog, (why did hospital towels smell like wet dog?!) I could shower in peace.. in a somewhat clean shower that begged the question; “By whom and when was this place cleaned?!” …because it still had that band-aid stuck to it from yesterday and some curious dark stains on the tile…

Afterward, I was allowed to wash the few pieces of clothing I had. Mama didn’t know what to bring… my brother should be visiting shortly, hopefully he can grab something cute! (Missed the mark a little… people thought I worked there!! I was soooo not prepared for this!)

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It was a real treat… the only things I took from the experience were; being able to touch and help a few lives, learned some new tricks, and how to convince people I’m not crazy… even though I still believe.. 😉

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It did not:

  • do my psyche/mental health any good.
  • dieter me from using my prescription opiates.
  • teach me anything I didn’t already know.
  • provide me with a realistic after care plan.

It DID:

  • embarrass me.. in front of family, friends and worst of all, an old friend/co-worker who just so happened to work there…
  • introduce me to a cute, funny, seemingly normal guy… who ended up eight shades of crazy! (What did I expect?!)
  • give me a funny story to tell, at least…

Word of Advice to Self:

Next time, keep your crazy bottled up like normal people!!


I feel like I have more to add, but I need to join reality now…


Later, Bitches! 💖

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P.S. – This is me an’ my girls jam from the weekend!! (We just look like good girls.. ) 😉

Bad Girls

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I Have No Idea Where This is Going

So, I’m starting this here blog.. I’m going to tell whomever is reading, if anyone is, things I know.  

I know a LOT about a lot of things.. Love, beauty, hate, friendships, relationships, art of all kinds, understanding people, understanding LIFE.. the universe, etcetera, etcetera… I have no idea where this will take me..or you.. or even if anyone will listen…

First off: I borrowed my tag line from Atmosphere.  They rule my life… If that’s a problem, keep moving.  If you don’t know who they are, find out.   If you admire them as much as I do, we’ll get along just fine… (I end every sentence with a dot dot dot.. – Slug, [of Atmosphere])

That’s my REAL INTRO…

Hope to hear from some of you… Or at least hope you READ this.  I write real good.. 😉