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An Open Letter to the Girl With a Heavy Heart

ORIGINAL POST: An 0pen Letter to the Girl With a Heavy Heart


I WISH I wrote this!!  Talk about nail on the head! ( I added the pictures… )

Engoy!

– Katness

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Dear Girl with a Heavy Heart,

I just want you to know that it’s okay and that everything is going to turn out fine.


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Even if you’re just passively laying down on your back, trying to fight the tears that are building up in your eyes, you should know that your feelings are valid. You don’t have to feel bad about feeling weak. It’s perfectly normal and you shouldn’t pressure yourself into feeling better right away even when you’re still struggling with your emotions.


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For the longest time now, the thought of having to get your life in order has been plaguing your mind. The prospect of having to iron out your future has been weighing down heavily on you. It gets even more difficult to think that all the people around you seem to have their lives on track. They look as if they have things all figured out while you’re left scrambling for crumbs and pieces. They look as if they’re just gallantly cruising through life’s road of luxury and leisure while you’re breaking your back just trying to stay afloat.



Whenever you get the slightest taste of consistency and stability, something happens that knocks you off. You end up losing your momentum and you have to claw your way back to where you were. You think that all of your bad luck is a result of your weaknesses and your own flaws. You think that the reason why you can’t seem to find the kind of success that other people seem to be getting is because you are a lesser brand of human being. You keep on killing yourself trying to make ends meet and you still fall short. You beat yourself over and over again, punishing yourself for not doing better; for not being perfect. You keep playing scenarios over and over again in your head, trying to see how you could have done things differently to yield more favorable outcomes. You become stressed and anxious at the idea of you having to face more challenges in the future and still not being strong enough to overcome them. The thought of the future terrifies you and your heart grows even wearer than it already is.


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You’re deeply frightened and that’s okay. You are afraid because you don’t think that you are ever going to be strong enough to pursue the life that you want for yourself. You don’t think that you have what it takes to actually be a strong person. You are afraid that other people are just going to keep on going strong with their lives while you get left in the dust with nothing to show for it. You are frightened because you are deeply affected by what other people have to think or say about you. You don’t want to fall short of the expectations that you think society has set for you. You are terrified at the thought of people giving up on you once they see you for the weakling that you believe yourself to be. You are afraid that no one will want anything to have to do with a loser like yourself. That’s perfectly fine. These are reasonable fears to have and you shouldn’t be ashamed for having them. Anyone in your shoe would be frightened as well, and there a lot of people out there who share similar fears too.


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But there is something that you and everyone else like you need to know. You’re going to turn out fine. You are going to be alright.


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So for now, if you feel like those tears are about to fall, just let them. Let them flow. Get it all out of your system. You are feeling particularly vulnerable right now and that’s normal. Everyone has vulnerabilities and it’s okay for you to act on them. It’s okay to be insecure at times. Everyone has to deal with insecurity in some shape or form. No one should get to judge you on how you choose to deal with yours. You don’t have to feel so bad about thinking that you don’t have everything figured out. You’re going to get to a point of comfort eventually and that’s something that you can look forward to. But for now, let yourself feel all of the sadness. Accept that you are human and that you can’t always going to be perfect.


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Appreciate all of the bad times and the struggles that you’re experiencing right now because they will make all of the success and the good times so much sweeter. Appreciate all of the failures in your life at the moment and treat them like learning experiences. Failure is only permanent when you don’t learn from it. You’re going to make it. You’re going to grow into yourself and all of your struggles are going to be worth it. Just be sure to never give up on yourself and always believe in your dreams.


– Unknown


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An Open Letter to the Girl With a Heavy Heart


 

Mind Circles: Rapidly Growing Word Trees

Mind Circles: Rapidly Growing Word Trees

…I had a few ideas of what I wanted to write about.. I even made a little note.. I tried to commit new information to memory(Not an easy task for me)

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My idea’s Were as follows:


  • The concept & deeper meaning of the term: “Throwing in the Towel”.image

  • How HE could hold in anger all night– then rip into me over something else– so he could tie in “the real issue”. (I hate that because “little earlier issue” could have been quashed!)image

 

  • How I could LOVE someone so much – that I would do anything just to make his life happier and easier. (within my means…)image

  • How he’s gotten me to “appreciate” – even like – some boxing movies. <<–best 10 fighters, btw…

(Even though I abhor violence, I did learn stuff..)

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  • Almost forgot one… How these all tie together – what order they really happened, & then order will publish them…

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  • Oh, yeah, and if I get time… Fuckn’ Asteroids – those alien seed droppers are cray crazy! (But don’t really tie in..)

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  • I just can’t seem to focus… my brain is just going in too many tangents…

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Don’t worry…

Be back soon!!

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Adultery, Cheating, “Emotional” Cheating, Lies & Other Things we do…

Adultery, Cheating, “Emotional” Cheating, Lies & Other Things we do…

…are they ever justifiedForgivable?  Are we able to “move forward“?  ”Forget the past“?  “Live and let learn?” …or any other cliche to make us feel better?

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I just watchd a TV show where deplorable acts were just fixed with simple sorries or lust- filled ignorant bliss!  Either that, or dramatic overtures of hatred and spite, followed by eternal silence. 

Are those our only options? 


 

What is REALLY the apporpiriate response when the deepest of trust is broken, shattered, cracked or just nicked?

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I suppose every stitch is different…


 

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Personally- I forgave… didn’t quite forget.. (at first..)

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Other times- vengence was on the menu.

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Yet, others- don’t even register on my radar any more…

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THEN- I wonder: what about when I was the offender?

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How was I perceived?

Am I secretly hated somewhere?  Did I break a heart?  Have I been forgiven or forgottenImmortalizedCursed?

 

 


 

Is it different when a man betrays a womanor vice versa?

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Who hurts whom worse?

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My bet is on us, Females!

We may ACT like it hurts more.. but 98% of the time, the MEN loose more..

That’s right… I said it…

 


 

Later, Bitches!

💖 Kitty

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The Salmon/Ostritch Method – Spawning in the Sand

The Salmon/Ostritch Method – Spawning in the Sand

 

I clearly can see my future,

Beyond the struggle and strife,

My path slowly reveals itself,

The so-called “silver lining” shines,

Or was it just a glimmer?

Muddied and murky with silt,

Like a deep,

Lenghthy,

Flowing puddle.

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Sometimes,

The puddle is smooth as glass,

Others it’s a wild, running river,

Raging downstream towards life.

Cold, silent under currents,

Sharp, looming boulders,

The perfect landscape for chaos,

A backdrop to my sanity,

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As I stand upstream-

Safely planted ashore,

Gazing aapprehensively,

Paralyzed with inexplicable fear,

For I procured the recipe,

“How to Manifest My Own Destiny”

Unfortunately, it’s hidden – nay lost,

Within the dark, endless files of my mind.

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Will I leave sand for water?

 


 

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Full of excuses..

…that’s what they all say.

 

Ok, so.. it seems to be a common phrase around here.. but, it’s been a while.. again

BEEN A WHILE

It’s not for lack of wanting to write.. just…

.. not all at once.. (of course) ..just every day.. and/or every other day.. it’s something different that throws me off my rails… but apparently…. that’s unacceptable.. (hahah.. )

UNACCEPTABLE

(This face totally looks like a fatter, less cute & more orange version of my cat.. his BFAM) 

ANYWAY…. I don’t really have much to write about today.  I just felt like hittin’ the keys… makes me feel nostalgic.. (oh yeah… and I got a bitchin’ new 2-in-1 laptop.. but that has nothing to do with it..haha..)  I’ve always wanted to.. well, kinda still do.. write a novel on an old typewriter.  I even went out and bought a vintage Remington..
REMINGTON

buuuut… it needs ink.. (see??  Always an excuse…)

Up until now, I’ve been writing on here mostly from my phone.. which has spoiled my writing skillz extensively!   I’m used to:

  • “predictive text”
  • auto correct
  • auto capitalization
  • AND punctuation.

Regardless, I’ve never… ever.. been a good speller!  In fact, I’m probably one of the worst spellers out there…

(I’m such a glutton for this stupid movie… it’s priceless and filled with great catch phrases… like, “STOP trying to make ‘fetch’ work!!” L..M..A..O..)

YET..  I’m a total grammar officer.  GRAMMER

The worst – when people misplace “I” and “Me/Myself”.. thinking they are doing the right thing, (which just breaks my heart because I know they are sincerely trying to say the correct word… they just miss the mark..)

Alas, technology has ruined, the already fragile state of, my fractured literature base.

I have a kinda Love/Hate relationship with technology.

HOWEVER.. my biggest weakness is;

  • my soft spot for more simple times; when people wrote letters on fine paper – sealed with wax, WAX SEAL (which I have of course..)
  • when they sat at a typewriter and couldn’t afford to make mistakes
  • and knew how to write with beautiful, fine, penmanship.. PEN AND PAPER]

Basicly, what I’m trying to get around to is that it’s nice to actually TYPE right now rather than tap… I feel less like a drone…DUMB 3

Another lost function, by the way;  very few people even know how to type with out looking at the keyboard anymore.. much less the number pad.. (which I only know how to do from working at a bank..)

Now, don’t get it twisted… I am not saying I’m perfect.. by ANY means.. I never would have survived life, or followed my love of writing, (no matter how meaningless and unappreciated it is..) without Spell Check

Open Letter to the Inventor of Spell Check

Dear Programer Who Invented Spell Check and Made it Available Everywhere:

I never would have gotten this far in Life without you.  Thank you so much for this simple, yet crucial, function.

Naturally, there are still human glitches.  On my resume it said I went to collage, not college.  Fortunately, it was a lateral move within the company, the interview was just a formality, and my new boss had a sense of humor, which, strangely, I never witnessed again.  He was very serious. Bob.

Anyway, I digress.. your little piece of seemingly insignificant piece of code is my life saver in the sea of words that I love, but can’t spell.  English is a stupid language.  I want to create my own language where words have one meaning and are spelled the way they sound.  (Just put it on the list with my novel…)

Sincerely,

Katnip

Yeah… that about sums it up.. thank Goddess I didn’t stick around there too long.  Something about a back surgery or something that has kept me  from working since. (circa 2011)

Who wants to be a banker in their home town anyway??  “Sorry neighbor-who’s-name-I-don’t-know, but you’re negative $526.17.  See ya ’round the ‘hood!’  Or, “Hey Guy-I-Used-to-Crush-on-for-2-Years!  Oh, you teach gym?  Wow.. you suck more than I do!” Then… worst of all – when a classmate comes in and is redic successful and I realise I’M the biggest loser in the room now..LOSER]

F*ck that noise..

That job was awesome until that transfer.. yet leaving was the best thing that ever happened to me, work wise.  Otherwise, I would never have;

  • been gracing you with my words.. (hahaha..)
  • discovered duck tape art and rekindled my creativity (a bank will suck all creativity right outta ya’!!)
  • reconnected with my True Love TRUE LOVE 1
  • experience all the millions of tiny miracles since then TINY MIRACLES
  • meet all the amazing.. (and awful..) people that I’ve come across
  • learned some pretty awesome things
  • realized what real friendship and family is REAL FRIENDS
  • or been more grateful for the health I have now
    GRATEFUL

Whenever I feel down or like things aren’t going ‘the way they should’ I write a list of (at least) TEN things I’m grateful for and why…  most of the time it works.. then I look at the last list I made and often they are pretty similar… which makes me realize ‘shit’s not so bad’ and I have consistent good things in my life… that’s what I think I’m most grateful for.  It’s important to take stock once in a while…I highly recommend it.  STOCK

Okay… well, this was a fun tangent.  TANGENT

 

 

 

I have to go be productive now… as much as I would love to keep rambling and listening to music.. it’s morning now, and I forgot to sleep again… NO SLEEP

 

 

 

 

Thanks for tuning in.. who ever you are..  tHANK YOU

 

 

 

Light &Love

~ Katnip

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