Full of excuses..

…that’s what they all say.

 

Ok, so.. it seems to be a common phrase around here.. but, it’s been a while.. again

BEEN A WHILE

It’s not for lack of wanting to write.. just…

.. not all at once.. (of course) ..just every day.. and/or every other day.. it’s something different that throws me off my rails… but apparently…. that’s unacceptable.. (hahah.. )

UNACCEPTABLE

(This face totally looks like a fatter, less cute & more orange version of my cat.. his BFAM) 

ANYWAY…. I don’t really have much to write about today.  I just felt like hittin’ the keys… makes me feel nostalgic.. (oh yeah… and I got a bitchin’ new 2-in-1 laptop.. but that has nothing to do with it..haha..)  I’ve always wanted to.. well, kinda still do.. write a novel on an old typewriter.  I even went out and bought a vintage Remington..
REMINGTON

buuuut… it needs ink.. (see??  Always an excuse…)

Up until now, I’ve been writing on here mostly from my phone.. which has spoiled my writing skillz extensively!   I’m used to:

  • “predictive text”
  • auto correct
  • auto capitalization
  • AND punctuation.

Regardless, I’ve never… ever.. been a good speller!  In fact, I’m probably one of the worst spellers out there…

(I’m such a glutton for this stupid movie… it’s priceless and filled with great catch phrases… like, “STOP trying to make ‘fetch’ work!!” L..M..A..O..)

YET..  I’m a total grammar officer.  GRAMMER

The worst – when people misplace “I” and “Me/Myself”.. thinking they are doing the right thing, (which just breaks my heart because I know they are sincerely trying to say the correct word… they just miss the mark..)

Alas, technology has ruined, the already fragile state of, my fractured literature base.

I have a kinda Love/Hate relationship with technology.

HOWEVER.. my biggest weakness is;

  • my soft spot for more simple times; when people wrote letters on fine paper – sealed with wax, WAX SEAL (which I have of course..)
  • when they sat at a typewriter and couldn’t afford to make mistakes
  • and knew how to write with beautiful, fine, penmanship.. PEN AND PAPER]

Basicly, what I’m trying to get around to is that it’s nice to actually TYPE right now rather than tap… I feel less like a drone…DUMB 3

Another lost function, by the way;  very few people even know how to type with out looking at the keyboard anymore.. much less the number pad.. (which I only know how to do from working at a bank..)

Now, don’t get it twisted… I am not saying I’m perfect.. by ANY means.. I never would have survived life, or followed my love of writing, (no matter how meaningless and unappreciated it is..) without Spell Check

Open Letter to the Inventor of Spell Check

Dear Programer Who Invented Spell Check and Made it Available Everywhere:

I never would have gotten this far in Life without you.  Thank you so much for this simple, yet crucial, function.

Naturally, there are still human glitches.  On my resume it said I went to collage, not college.  Fortunately, it was a lateral move within the company, the interview was just a formality, and my new boss had a sense of humor, which, strangely, I never witnessed again.  He was very serious. Bob.

Anyway, I digress.. your little piece of seemingly insignificant piece of code is my life saver in the sea of words that I love, but can’t spell.  English is a stupid language.  I want to create my own language where words have one meaning and are spelled the way they sound.  (Just put it on the list with my novel…)

Sincerely,

Katnip

Yeah… that about sums it up.. thank Goddess I didn’t stick around there too long.  Something about a back surgery or something that has kept me  from working since. (circa 2011)

Who wants to be a banker in their home town anyway??  “Sorry neighbor-who’s-name-I-don’t-know, but you’re negative $526.17.  See ya ’round the ‘hood!’  Or, “Hey Guy-I-Used-to-Crush-on-for-2-Years!  Oh, you teach gym?  Wow.. you suck more than I do!” Then… worst of all – when a classmate comes in and is redic successful and I realise I’M the biggest loser in the room now..LOSER]

F*ck that noise..

That job was awesome until that transfer.. yet leaving was the best thing that ever happened to me, work wise.  Otherwise, I would never have;

  • been gracing you with my words.. (hahaha..)
  • discovered duck tape art and rekindled my creativity (a bank will suck all creativity right outta ya’!!)
  • reconnected with my True Love TRUE LOVE 1
  • experience all the millions of tiny miracles since then TINY MIRACLES
  • meet all the amazing.. (and awful..) people that I’ve come across
  • learned some pretty awesome things
  • realized what real friendship and family is REAL FRIENDS
  • or been more grateful for the health I have now
    GRATEFUL

Whenever I feel down or like things aren’t going ‘the way they should’ I write a list of (at least) TEN things I’m grateful for and why…  most of the time it works.. then I look at the last list I made and often they are pretty similar… which makes me realize ‘shit’s not so bad’ and I have consistent good things in my life… that’s what I think I’m most grateful for.  It’s important to take stock once in a while…I highly recommend it.  STOCK

Okay… well, this was a fun tangent.  TANGENT

 

 

 

I have to go be productive now… as much as I would love to keep rambling and listening to music.. it’s morning now, and I forgot to sleep again… NO SLEEP

 

 

 

 

Thanks for tuning in.. who ever you are..  tHANK YOU

 

 

 

Light &Love

~ Katnip

LIGHT & LOVE 3

 

This is my word.. I most often use it to describe my upcoming, not sure when, wedding… Shared from WordPress

…and I like fairies..

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This is my ultimate dress:

(It’s a designer dress from 2014 – Paris.. prolly not gunna find it.. 😭)

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I want flowers in my hair…

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…then sometimes, I just want to go to the court house and get it done then not tell anyone…

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My friend always said we were Carrie and Big…

…just not SO DRAMATIC… but we do have an epic kinda love…

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He’s the best. 

I don’t care what we do.. ethereal or boring.. just so long as I spend my whole life with my lava…

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I Was Born in the Wrong Era…

…Or was I?

I’m watching a show on HBO, Vinyl, maybe you’ve heard of it… hopefully you.ve seen it..

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It’s awesome; full of debochory, violence, sex, drugs, music, liers, cheaters, artists.. totally captures the 70’s in all it’s disgusting ways. 

Yet I want to be there. 

Actually, it’s not to different from the world now.  I could be living that lifestyle.. I kind of used to live that lifestyle.. I just wasn’t too commited to it.  I tried being “responsible” at the same time.  Turns out it doesn’t work that way.. I just ended up messing my life up.  I wasted time.. I wasted money.. I wasted the best years of my life. 

I tried to make up for it.. I got a good job.. I wore a suit to work.. I was engaged..

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…but I was a fraud.

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I hated it all. 

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Now – where am I?  I liked coke, so now I take prescribed amphetamines.   I liked opiates, so I got them from a doctor.   (I can’t take them anymore – so I take sedatives from a doctor.)  I’m still living that lifestyle – but without the fun because I’m constantly in pain and somehow it’s ok.. to help me forget – or numb outthe chronic pain…  because it all comes in nice little pills…

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…from a pretty blue pad of paper…

…from a dealer with an “MD” after their name.

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It’s redicolous.

So was I born in the wrong era or just in the wrong life?   Or maybe – just maybe – I was born in the perfect time with a perfect life and I just screwed it all up…

Yeah.. that sounds about right.. that’s pretty much what this show is about… screwing it all up.

Here again… A Love Story

Well, seems I write my best late at night, when everything is still & quiet..

So- I’m going to tell you a story.  It’s not a story that pertains to my current life – not really something I particularly dwell on – just something I saw on TV that made me think about it.

Once upon a time – as all great stories go – there was a was a man and a woman… destined? I’m not sure – love – I’m completely sure.  Not at ALL like the love I have now… The love I have now is pure and true..  But the love back then was younger, a little more stupid, a little more unpredictable, and clearly – not meant to be.  ::spoiler alert::  He didn’t make it… at all…

As the song goes – “I’ll start from the very beginning, a very good place to start…”

I was 18 – young, dumb and full of myself… He was 24, young, and full of HIMself… but not dumb… in fact he was so worldly and knowledgeable and I think that is what drew me in.

We met at a seedy bar – Kareoke Night – he was hanging out with the DJ – I thought he worked there… I got up and drunkenly sang “Closer” by NIN (I LOVE NIN)

Afterwards, I plopped back at my table – half embarrassed, half exhilarated… half hysterical… then I feel a tap on my shoulder – (I feel like I should tell you what I looked like – 5’10”, l 60,  short pixy cut hair, pierced lip, 5-6 holes in my ears, wide leg jeans, and a tank top… It was the 90’s, I was trying to pull off this punk rock /raver/ goth thing… He was just in jeans and a yellow shirt – BUT he also had a pierced lip…)

So after the tap on my shoulder all he said was “I like that thing in your lip…” Stumbling and flabbergasted and tripping over my Words – all I could say was “I like that thing in YOUR lip…” Him: “I can’t believe you just sang that”  Me: “Yeah, well, I’m a little drunk…”  giggled… blushed… and that was it… We exchanged numbers – talked on the phone every night – found out he owned a record shop (How Awesome?) and after a few dates, that’s where we spent the majority of the time.

Now- the rest of the story is blurry.. He loved, and I loved- he despised – I followed like a puppy who just tinkled on the carpet.   We danced- broke up- got back together – I got him the most thoughtful gifts – He got me wilted flowers and pregnant a day late after Valentine Day, I gave all I could… it wasn’t good enough.

After We broke up – in a diner – left we with the check – so I dumped food & cigarettes all over his car…. THEN –  My so – called – best- friend took up my sloppy seconds.

Now- I don’t know EXACTLY what happened next… Just that I found out he Killed Himself- found out while I was in the parking lot of a hotel in which we made love and debochory.

That night I saw him and wished he were dead… words I will never utter again.

He Was a talented, beautiful, smart waste of life.  Not a day goes by that I don’t miss him or wonder what or where he’d be right now..

Point of story; suicide is NEVER the answer…  You leave behind to many broken hearts and unanswered questions… I’ve thought about it… then I think of him – and all the mess I’d leave behind… including, most importantly, my soon to be husband, my cat & my family and friends.

You may feel alone- but you’re NOT!  Yoh will leave an unattainable, empty hole SOMEWHERE…

He may not have been my greatest love- but he was my first – and I see him everywhere… My Adonis.

Big Thanks!

Just wanted to thank everyone that reads & follows my newbie blog! I really appreciate it! 🙂

In having a little bit of writers block right now.. I would appreciate even more if you left some comments and/or ideas of what you’d like to hear about… I’ve got a lot in my brain.. but all I can think about is writing about my messed up history – albiet funny – I’m not sure if that’s what you wanna read about.. so lemme know..

Thanks again!

Love & Light

LIGHT & LOVE 1