Undone Perfection

Undone Perfection


My darling…
If I call you sweetheart under my breath,


If brush your face with my touch of my kind of love,


If I gaze unto you with the kind of silent love that makes you blush,


If I told you nothing with words but with the grace of a slight kiss,


Would you still question my loyal soul and open heart?


Light & Love to all my fellow romantics!

Later!

– Katness

Advertisements

Writer’s Block

Writer’s Block

Writer’s block is a condition, primarily associated with writing, in which an author loses the ability to produce new work, or experiences a creative slowdown.



I have zero idea why I haven’t been writing…



That’s a lie.

I’ve been busy… and by that, I mean procrastinating, waisting time, and having fun with life. Any of the following are to blame and/or have been taking up my usual writing time;

  • Most importantly- My new love

We ALL know I love LOVE, not only that… but how much time just evaporates when spending it with someone new and amazing… right?

  • Social Media

I WAS taking a break from it… Maybe I’ll write WHY later.. (it’s almost unbelivable…) So… another break has begun!

  • YouTube “Rabbit holes”

“Down the rabbit hole”, a metaphor for an entry into the unknown, the disorienting or the mentally deranging, from its use in Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland

It can really waste the Time, has made me late for things, neglect housework, and stay up in to the wee hours of the night. It also usually ends up directing to something sad or gross.

(an actual example)

Like, how did I go from DYI hair cuts to kids with rare illness? Or from Steve Harvey clips to disgusting black head removals?!

(Hahaha! Yeah right! I quit Social Media… must I STARVE?!)

  • My Family

I’m not even going to get in to that one…

Okay… so, that probably makes zero sense. Unless, of course, you’ve read “The Spoon Theory”. No?! …go ahead! I’ll wait.

I think that’s about it!


On that note… I gotta stop this roll I’m on!


Hope that was… something…

To Be Continued…

Light & Love, bitches!

– Katness

I Actually HAVE… or at Least had a Genius IQ

Unfortunately, My Mental Strength Dwindled Rather Than Strengthened



I was something of an unusual kid… I guess I’m an unusual adult as well.. but that’s not the point!

I was oddly smart, not like a savant or baby genius, just little things like teaching myself to read at two or drawing in perspective and showing distance with my Crayola’s. So, naturally, my mother thought I was amazing (well, I AM..) and tried to nurture that tiny sponge brain with the hopes I’d be a lawyer or something…




Sorry Mom!

I turned into a dreamer, artist, writer and lover of light and energy…



I just got (still get) easily distracted by sunshine, flowers, clouds, bugs and rather doodle than multiply.



It didn’t help that A.D.D. (not A.D.H.D… I just have the basic one…) was not well-known in the 80s. I probably could have benefited from Adderall a little bit.



So, basically, all my “standardised tests” were off the charts so they put me in “Little Kid Extra Smart Classes”, kinda like AP Everything for seven-year olds, it was sick.



I truly hated it! My “peers” were stuck up little competitive, judgemental, snots!



My family… was, um, not…



So, basically, I had a small problem – all my teacher’s reports sent home sounded like, “doesn’t pay attention”, “doesn’t participate”, ”needs to focus”, “incomplete work”, etc…



However, if one of those tests with the lil’ circles was put in front of me, I was on fire!


Then this one bitch teacher told me with quite stern frankness;

“This program isn’t for you. I think you would be better suited amongst peers more on your ‘level’.” (insert condescending old lady bitch voice)




sooooo I had to switch schools in like, 5th grade! It sucked! Royally!!



Especially since I was this five foot ten, broke ass, nerd, newbie who didn’t know a soul and had a teacher who was more scared of my new “peers” than I was!



Imagine if I kept getting super smart? Like, I’m pretty damn smart, but if I was some Ivy League Bitch, I would practicality be mutant! Possibly even President right now!




(Eh! I think I may actually BE too smart for that shit!)



I rather use my powers for good.. on a smaller scale…




I’ma leave you with my song obsession right now…

https://youtu.be/fKopy74weus

That’s all for now!

Later bitches!

Light & Love

– Katness

Writers never die…

Writers never die…

…but sometimes they lay uninspired thinking about the moonlight at 4:30 in the morning but it’s really two in the afternoon.

4d2745d4efb34432953ee7fd2202e0ac


While the alarm clock is going off in another room far away the music keeps drowning it out.

turntable-macro-wallpaper_2052132048


Obsessed with the passing of time and passing of friends.
Each keep ticking by and are gone forever.

medium_5370547706


Neither missed nor remembered for more than their worth. Nothing remembered. Nothing forgotten…


I may have been dreaming…

203806.jpg


Holding tightly onto your Rich name and other phrases of such words that hold on to so much of my past.
Remind me again, please?
Why I left those things behind that make my belly tighten and twist with your meer whisper?

lovers-2249913_640.jpg


Endlessly – you used to run rampant in my mind; wild and madly, free and enchanting.
Whirlwind wherever you went.
Chaos and anger were your solace.

8377cbfd7d76e0ea1763508e643386ba--hip-hop-dancers-hip-hop-dance-moves.jpg


Blindly throughout I followed around on your coattails, hoping you’d see my shadow…
But now, a different time, a different place. Can we even say we know each other?

tumblr_mvag2iW3H31sqnwn0o1_500.jpg


Long stares you give across the room are deep… beckoning.
Like a polar force, soft kisses echo between our lips making the only sound.

Scorpion-Lips


Gone. Again, he runs right through me…

tumblr_n3omd5Ar9l1sksxpmo1_500.gif


Once your movements were angry and harsh, but tonight you run fluid around me, circles and steps that make me spin! Into your arms I fall from grace as you catch me and look into my soul. For what? A clue? An answer? A reason to keep moving?

886341708c90352e8420b6d9fd1f2745--sexy-dance-just-dance.jpg


I blink and I’m alone again.

24d2243f77f52c2c98fd78397da7866d


He looks so peaceful. His lanky form – dancing in the dark, deafening music. Strong and refined…

1337f89c838985f1b18b3174edd8c100--hiphop-dance-photo-shoot-poses


…slowly, becoming scared of his growing lust, I hide – not well.
The rhythms are quickening his pace…
– spinning, he looses his past that was just barely hiding.

nap21


Alone, I was found – by a lack of wall that was jumped in blinding passion – trapped by the same wayward walls that sustained the majestic throes of two Scorpio lovers.

scorpio-new moon image.jpg


(…never again shall I see that stall quite like it was that night.)

Silence.

iStock_000076658531_Large.jpg


I may have been dreaming… or maybe a dream come true?
Or maybe, now, I’m trying to suicide the past with eternal sunshine.

in your shadow.JPG


Otherwise, I’m drowning in his isolated, cruel vanity…
Trying in vain to purify what once should never have been and never will again…

20161007140412994.Jpeg


Whoosh!!! That was a blast from the past! Hope ya liked it bitches!

Love & Light

– Kitty

50f5ac2ba51809240ca1f37b4062e166--tattoo-cat-cat-tattoos

An Open Letter to the Girl With a Heavy Heart

ORIGINAL POST: An 0pen Letter to the Girl With a Heavy Heart


I WISH I wrote this!!  Talk about nail on the head! ( I added the pictures… )

Engoy!

– Katness

50f5ac2ba51809240ca1f37b4062e166--tattoo-cat-cat-tattoos


wp-1505404193516.png


 

Dear Girl with a Heavy Heart,

I just want you to know that it’s okay and that everything is going to turn out fine.


93b7fcb4-40dd-4156-b57d-f6cc9e0eba69


Even if you’re just passively laying down on your back, trying to fight the tears that are building up in your eyes, you should know that your feelings are valid. You don’t have to feel bad about feeling weak. It’s perfectly normal and you shouldn’t pressure yourself into feeling better right away even when you’re still struggling with your emotions.


cat-crying-life-pink-sad-Favim.com-316905


For the longest time now, the thought of having to get your life in order has been plaguing your mind. The prospect of having to iron out your future has been weighing down heavily on you. It gets even more difficult to think that all the people around you seem to have their lives on track. They look as if they have things all figured out while you’re left scrambling for crumbs and pieces. They look as if they’re just gallantly cruising through life’s road of luxury and leisure while you’re breaking your back just trying to stay afloat.



Whenever you get the slightest taste of consistency and stability, something happens that knocks you off. You end up losing your momentum and you have to claw your way back to where you were. You think that all of your bad luck is a result of your weaknesses and your own flaws. You think that the reason why you can’t seem to find the kind of success that other people seem to be getting is because you are a lesser brand of human being. You keep on killing yourself trying to make ends meet and you still fall short. You beat yourself over and over again, punishing yourself for not doing better; for not being perfect. You keep playing scenarios over and over again in your head, trying to see how you could have done things differently to yield more favorable outcomes. You become stressed and anxious at the idea of you having to face more challenges in the future and still not being strong enough to overcome them. The thought of the future terrifies you and your heart grows even wearer than it already is.


5161392

You’re deeply frightened and that’s okay. You are afraid because you don’t think that you are ever going to be strong enough to pursue the life that you want for yourself. You don’t think that you have what it takes to actually be a strong person. You are afraid that other people are just going to keep on going strong with their lives while you get left in the dust with nothing to show for it. You are frightened because you are deeply affected by what other people have to think or say about you. You don’t want to fall short of the expectations that you think society has set for you. You are terrified at the thought of people giving up on you once they see you for the weakling that you believe yourself to be. You are afraid that no one will want anything to have to do with a loser like yourself. That’s perfectly fine. These are reasonable fears to have and you shouldn’t be ashamed for having them. Anyone in your shoe would be frightened as well, and there a lot of people out there who share similar fears too.


Can-you-see-me-depression-34830954-500-375


But there is something that you and everyone else like you need to know. You’re going to turn out fine. You are going to be alright.


554054_599037656807762_1084201812_n


So for now, if you feel like those tears are about to fall, just let them. Let them flow. Get it all out of your system. You are feeling particularly vulnerable right now and that’s normal. Everyone has vulnerabilities and it’s okay for you to act on them. It’s okay to be insecure at times. Everyone has to deal with insecurity in some shape or form. No one should get to judge you on how you choose to deal with yours. You don’t have to feel so bad about thinking that you don’t have everything figured out. You’re going to get to a point of comfort eventually and that’s something that you can look forward to. But for now, let yourself feel all of the sadness. Accept that you are human and that you can’t always going to be perfect.


tudo3


Appreciate all of the bad times and the struggles that you’re experiencing right now because they will make all of the success and the good times so much sweeter. Appreciate all of the failures in your life at the moment and treat them like learning experiences. Failure is only permanent when you don’t learn from it. You’re going to make it. You’re going to grow into yourself and all of your struggles are going to be worth it. Just be sure to never give up on yourself and always believe in your dreams.


– Unknown


2017-09-14 11.45.52


An Open Letter to the Girl With a Heavy Heart


 

You Belong Here…

You Belong Here…

..That’s what they told me when I was in the ER for hallucinating and being sleep deprived..

Straitjacket.jpg


Thusly, I was admitted to the Psych Ward of that hospital for opiate addiction of all things… (despite my negative tox screen..) My real problem was too much Vyvanse and not enough Xanax, drifting in and out of lucid dreaming, too much TV and not enough time out of my room. What I really needed was a sedative, a nap and a paranoia reality check!

NO SLEEP


P.S. Psych Wards in actual hospitals are the worst places to put a “supposed” addict, (who’s in mind numbing pain, and couldn’t even get an Advil..) which wasn’t what I needed treatment for anyway..


I could start telling you all the crazy stuff I was prescribed at the time.. or all the crazy stuff I supposedly “hallucinated” (maybe I am crazy for thinking it was real..)


 


download (1)


safe_image


but that might be a different story for a different time…


The point is; the actual place I was forced to stay in was a dirty, disgusting, degrading, uncomfortable, and overall miserable and mind numbing establishment!

insane_65


Conditions At Willowbrook State School


1


It was one of the most stupid and biggest waste of time I’ve ever spent.

Even better was they made it seem like it was my choice, but if I DIDN’T sign, I’d lose the chance to leave in 3 days, (which never happens btw.. it’s just the carrot on a stick..) OR I could be involuntarily committed, in which case, I’d have to be there for an indeterminate amount of time. (Thanks, Mom..)


I ended up there about a week… barely ate, the food was a disgrace because they served the whole hospital FIRST so when our wing… actually, technically it was another building, finally got it (late, naturally) it was soggy and cold… and usually unrecognizable! The only decent foodthey occasionally tossed our way was either yogurt, pudding or, what I found to be putrid, the “Crustables” …pre packaged PB&J with no crusts… like crusts were too dangerous for us!

hospital-food


Then there’s my fellow patients who were not only co-ed, but co-issues!

We had:

  • schizoid
  • borderline
  • PTSD
  • brain damage (from an OD)
  • things I couldn’t even identify!
  • ..and a rainbow of other mental health problems

mixed with addicts in all:

  • shapes
  • sizes
  • ages
  • personalities (or lack there of)
  • manners
  • social standing
  • brain function
  • and D.O.C. (Drug of Choice)

3d-printed-pills-personalizing-medicine4.jpg


Ironically, I still couldn’t sleep -which was why I was there in the first place – because I was sleeping on a piece of plywood with a one inch, poor excuse of a mattress.

Alarm clock showing 3 a.m.


It kinda worked out because I was usually first awake and could get the fresh towels that didn’t smell like wet dog, (why did hospital towels smell like wet dog?!) I could shower in peace.. in a somewhat clean shower that begged the question; “By whom and when was this place cleaned?!” …because it still had that band-aid stuck to it from yesterday and some curious dark stains on the tile…

Afterward, I was allowed to wash the few pieces of clothing I had. Mama didn’t know what to bring… my brother should be visiting shortly, hopefully he can grab something cute! (Missed the mark a little… people thought I worked there!! I was soooo not prepared for this!)

gross-shower.jpg


It was a real treat… the only things I took from the experience were; being able to touch and help a few lives, learned some new tricks, and how to convince people I’m not crazy… even though I still believe.. 😉

wpc365e25c_02.jpg


It did not:

  • do my psyche/mental health any good.
  • dieter me from using my prescription opiates.
  • teach me anything I didn’t already know.
  • provide me with a realistic after care plan.

It DID:

  • embarrass me.. in front of family, friends and worst of all, an old friend/co-worker who just so happened to work there…
  • introduce me to a cute, funny, seemingly normal guy… who ended up eight shades of crazy! (What did I expect?!)
  • give me a funny story to tell, at least…

Word of Advice to Self:

Next time, keep your crazy bottled up like normal people!!


I feel like I have more to add, but I need to join reality now…


Later, Bitches! 💖

50f5ac2ba51809240ca1f37b4062e166--tattoo-cat-cat-tattoos



P.S. – This is me an’ my girls jam from the weekend!! (We just look like good girls.. ) 😉

Bad Girls

Adultery, Cheating, “Emotional” Cheating, Lies & Other Things we do…

Adultery, Cheating, “Emotional” Cheating, Lies & Other Things we do…

…are they ever justified? Forgivable? Are we able to “move forward“? ”Forget the past“? “Live and let learn?” …or any other cliche to make us feel better?

Cliché-man-Anyone-for-rhubarb-e1410220945912.jpg


I just watchd a TV show where deplorable acts were just fixed with simple sorries or lust- filled ignorant bliss! Either that, or dramatic overtures of hatred and spite, followed by eternal silence.

Are those our only options?


What is REALLY the apporpiriate response when the deepest of trust is broken, shattered, cracked or just nicked?

resize-img

Trust is like a mirror,

you can fix it if it’s broken,

but you can still see the crack

in that mother fucker’s reflection.

– Lady Gaga


I suppose every stitch is different…


3b6235b282f2653d8d66c39f2f1ce82c--brand-new-lyrics-teacher


Personally- I forgave… didn’t quite forget.. (at first..)

0e9b4b5acb57e8cd06f9c79dc3a8856b--heart-broken-broken-hearted


Other times- vengence was on the menu.

Daughter-Of-Vengeance-2-vocaloid-22805204-481-360


Yet, others- don’t even register on my radar any more…

2017-08-22 08.34.04


THEN- I wonder: what about when I was the offender?

women_prison_flickr_giandomenico_ricci2_0

How was I perceived?

Am I secretly hated somewhere? Did I break a heart? Have I been forgiven or forgotten? Immortalized? Cursed?


Is it different when a man betrays a womanor vice versa?

2017-08-22 08.43.44


Who hurts whom worse?

401bdcb7ec1fb92f5d175fd72cf7b6dc


My bet is on us, Females!

We may ACT like it hurts more.. but 98% of the time, the MEN loose more..

That’s right… I said it…


Later, Bitches!

💖 Katness

50f5ac2ba51809240ca1f37b4062e166--tattoo-cat-cat-tattoos.jpg