An Open Letter to the Girl With a Heavy Heart

ORIGINAL POST: An 0pen Letter to the Girl With a Heavy Heart


I WISH I wrote this!!  Talk about nail on the head! ( I added the pictures… )

Engoy!

– Katness

50f5ac2ba51809240ca1f37b4062e166--tattoo-cat-cat-tattoos


wp-1505404193516.png


 

Dear Girl with a Heavy Heart,

I just want you to know that it’s okay and that everything is going to turn out fine.


93b7fcb4-40dd-4156-b57d-f6cc9e0eba69


Even if you’re just passively laying down on your back, trying to fight the tears that are building up in your eyes, you should know that your feelings are valid. You don’t have to feel bad about feeling weak. It’s perfectly normal and you shouldn’t pressure yourself into feeling better right away even when you’re still struggling with your emotions.


cat-crying-life-pink-sad-Favim.com-316905


For the longest time now, the thought of having to get your life in order has been plaguing your mind. The prospect of having to iron out your future has been weighing down heavily on you. It gets even more difficult to think that all the people around you seem to have their lives on track. They look as if they have things all figured out while you’re left scrambling for crumbs and pieces. They look as if they’re just gallantly cruising through life’s road of luxury and leisure while you’re breaking your back just trying to stay afloat.



Whenever you get the slightest taste of consistency and stability, something happens that knocks you off. You end up losing your momentum and you have to claw your way back to where you were. You think that all of your bad luck is a result of your weaknesses and your own flaws. You think that the reason why you can’t seem to find the kind of success that other people seem to be getting is because you are a lesser brand of human being. You keep on killing yourself trying to make ends meet and you still fall short. You beat yourself over and over again, punishing yourself for not doing better; for not being perfect. You keep playing scenarios over and over again in your head, trying to see how you could have done things differently to yield more favorable outcomes. You become stressed and anxious at the idea of you having to face more challenges in the future and still not being strong enough to overcome them. The thought of the future terrifies you and your heart grows even wearer than it already is.


5161392

You’re deeply frightened and that’s okay. You are afraid because you don’t think that you are ever going to be strong enough to pursue the life that you want for yourself. You don’t think that you have what it takes to actually be a strong person. You are afraid that other people are just going to keep on going strong with their lives while you get left in the dust with nothing to show for it. You are frightened because you are deeply affected by what other people have to think or say about you. You don’t want to fall short of the expectations that you think society has set for you. You are terrified at the thought of people giving up on you once they see you for the weakling that you believe yourself to be. You are afraid that no one will want anything to have to do with a loser like yourself. That’s perfectly fine. These are reasonable fears to have and you shouldn’t be ashamed for having them. Anyone in your shoe would be frightened as well, and there a lot of people out there who share similar fears too.


Can-you-see-me-depression-34830954-500-375


But there is something that you and everyone else like you need to know. You’re going to turn out fine. You are going to be alright.


554054_599037656807762_1084201812_n


So for now, if you feel like those tears are about to fall, just let them. Let them flow. Get it all out of your system. You are feeling particularly vulnerable right now and that’s normal. Everyone has vulnerabilities and it’s okay for you to act on them. It’s okay to be insecure at times. Everyone has to deal with insecurity in some shape or form. No one should get to judge you on how you choose to deal with yours. You don’t have to feel so bad about thinking that you don’t have everything figured out. You’re going to get to a point of comfort eventually and that’s something that you can look forward to. But for now, let yourself feel all of the sadness. Accept that you are human and that you can’t always going to be perfect.


tudo3


Appreciate all of the bad times and the struggles that you’re experiencing right now because they will make all of the success and the good times so much sweeter. Appreciate all of the failures in your life at the moment and treat them like learning experiences. Failure is only permanent when you don’t learn from it. You’re going to make it. You’re going to grow into yourself and all of your struggles are going to be worth it. Just be sure to never give up on yourself and always believe in your dreams.


– Unknown


2017-09-14 11.45.52


An Open Letter to the Girl With a Heavy Heart


 

Advertisements

You Belong Here..

You Belong Here..

..That’s what they told me when I was in the ER for hallucinating and being sleep deprived..

Straitjacket.jpg


Thusly, I was admitted to the Psych Ward of that hospital for opiate addiction.. (despite my negative tox screen..) when all I really needed was a sedative and a nap!

NO SLEEP


 

P.S. Psych Wards in actual hospitals are the worst places to put a “supposed” addict, (who’s in mind numbing pain, and couldn’t even get an Advil..) which wasn’t what I needed treatment for anyway..


I could start telling you all the crazy stuff I was prescribed at the time.. or all the crazy stuff I supposedly “hallucinated” (maybe I am crazy for thinking it was real..)



download (1)


 

safe_image


but that might be a different story for a different time…


The point is; the actual place I was forced to stay in was a dirty, disgusting, degrading, uncomfortable, and overall miserable and mind numbing establishment!

insane_65


Conditions At Willowbrook State School


1


It was one of the most stupid and biggest waste of time I’ve ever spent.

Even better was they made it seem like it was my choice, but if I DIDN’T sign, I’d loose the chance to leave in 3 days, (which never happens btw.. it’s just the carrot on a stick..) OR I could be involuntarily committed, in which case, I’d have to be there for an indeterminate amount of time. (Thanks, Mom..)


I ended up there about a week… barely ate, the food was a disgrace because they served the whole hospital FIRST so when our wing… actually, technically it was another building, finally got it (late, naturally) it was soggy and cold… and usually unrecognizable!  The only decent food was the yogurt they occasionally tossed our way.

hospital-food


Then there’s my fellow patients- who were not only co-ed, but co-issues!

We had:

  • schizoids
  • borderline
  • PTSD
  • brain damage (from an OD)
  • things I couldn’t even identify!
  • ..and a rainbow of other mental health problems

mixed with addicts in all:

  • shapes
  • sizes
  • ages
  • personalities  (or lack there of)
  • manners
  • social standing
  • brain function
  • and D.O.C. (Drug of Choice)

3d-printed-pills-personalizing-medicine4.jpg


Ironically, I still couldn’t sleep- which was why I was there in the first place- because I was sleeping on a piece of plywood with a one inch, poor excuse of a mattress.

Alarm clock showing 3 a.m.


It kinda worked out because I was usually first awake and could get the fresh towels that didn’t smell like wet dog, shower in peace.. in somewhat cleanliness, and wash the few pieces of clothing I had..

gross-shower.jpg


It was a real treat… the only things I took from the experience were; being able to touch and help a few lives, learned some new tricks, and how to convince people I’m not crazy… even though I still believe.. 😉

wpc365e25c_02.jpg


 

It did not:

  • do my psyche/mental health  any good.
  • dieter me from using my prescription opiates.
  • teach me anything I didn’t already know.
  • provide me with a realistic after care plan.

It DID:

  • embarrass me.. in front of family, friends and worst of all, an old friend/co-worker who just so happened to work there…
  • introduce me to a cute, funny, seemingly normal guy… who ended up eight shades of crazy! (What did I expect?!)
  • give me a funny story to tell, at least…

Word of Advice to Self:

Next time, keep your crazy bottled up like normal people!!


I feel like I have more to add, but I need to join reality now…

TINY MIRACLES


Later, Bitches! 💖

50f5ac2ba51809240ca1f37b4062e166--tattoo-cat-cat-tattoos



P.S. – This is me an’ my girls jam from the weekend!! (We just look like good girls.. ) 😉

Bad Girls

Mind Circles: Rapidly Growing Word Trees

Mind Circles: Rapidly Growing Word Trees

…I had a few ideas of what I wanted to write about.. I even made a little note.. I tried to commit new information to memory(Not an easy task for me)

image

image


My idea’s Were as follows:


  • The concept & deeper meaning of the term: “Throwing in the Towel”.image

  • How HE could hold in anger all night– then rip into me over something else– so he could tie in “the real issue”. (I hate that because “little earlier issue” could have been quashed!)image

 

  • How I could LOVE someone so much – that I would do anything just to make his life happier and easier. (within my means…)image

  • How he’s gotten me to “appreciate” – even like – some boxing movies. <<–best 10 fighters, btw…

(Even though I abhor violence, I did learn stuff..)

image


  • Almost forgot one… How these all tie together – what order they really happened, & then order will publish them…

image

image


  • Oh, yeah, and if I get time… Fuckn’ Asteroids – those alien seed droppers are cray crazy! (But don’t really tie in..)

image


  • I just can’t seem to focus… my brain is just going in too many tangents…

image


Don’t worry…

Be back soon!!

50f5ac2ba51809240ca1f37b4062e166--tattoo-cat-cat-tattoos

Adultery, Cheating, “Emotional” Cheating, Lies & Other Things we do…

Adultery, Cheating, “Emotional” Cheating, Lies & Other Things we do…

…are they ever justifiedForgivable?  Are we able to “move forward“?  ”Forget the past“?  “Live and let learn?” …or any other cliche to make us feel better?

Cliché-man-Anyone-for-rhubarb-e1410220945912.jpg

 


 

I just watchd a TV show where deplorable acts were just fixed with simple sorries or lust- filled ignorant bliss!  Either that, or dramatic overtures of hatred and spite, followed by eternal silence. 

Are those our only options? 


 

What is REALLY the apporpiriate response when the deepest of trust is broken, shattered, cracked or just nicked?

resize-img

 


I suppose every stitch is different…


 

3b6235b282f2653d8d66c39f2f1ce82c--brand-new-lyrics-teacher

 


Personally- I forgave… didn’t quite forget.. (at first..)

0e9b4b5acb57e8cd06f9c79dc3a8856b--heart-broken-broken-hearted

 


Other times- vengence was on the menu.

Daughter-Of-Vengeance-2-vocaloid-22805204-481-360

 


 

Yet, others- don’t even register on my radar any more…

2017-08-22 08.34.04

 


 

THEN- I wonder: what about when I was the offender?

women_prison_flickr_giandomenico_ricci2_0

How was I perceived?

Am I secretly hated somewhere?  Did I break a heart?  Have I been forgiven or forgottenImmortalizedCursed?

 

 


 

Is it different when a man betrays a womanor vice versa?

2017-08-22 08.43.44

 


 

Who hurts whom worse?

401bdcb7ec1fb92f5d175fd72cf7b6dc

 


 

My bet is on us, Females!

We may ACT like it hurts more.. but 98% of the time, the MEN loose more..

That’s right… I said it…

 


 

Later, Bitches!

💖 Kitty

50f5ac2ba51809240ca1f37b4062e166--tattoo-cat-cat-tattoos.jpg

The Salmon/Ostritch Method – Spawning in the Sand

The Salmon/Ostritch Method – Spawning in the Sand

 

I clearly can see my future,

Beyond the struggle and strife,

My path slowly reveals itself,

The so-called “silver lining” shines,

Or was it just a glimmer?

Muddied and murky with silt,

Like a deep,

Lenghthy,

Flowing puddle.

4647843703_0ca9cc7958_b

Sometimes,

The puddle is smooth as glass,

Others it’s a wild, running river,

Raging downstream towards life.

Cold, silent under currents,

Sharp, looming boulders,

The perfect landscape for chaos,

A backdrop to my sanity,

2017-08-22 07.46.27.jpg

As I stand upstream-

Safely planted ashore,

Gazing aapprehensively,

Paralyzed with inexplicable fear,

For I procured the recipe,

“How to Manifest My Own Destiny”

Unfortunately, it’s hidden – nay lost,

Within the dark, endless files of my mind.

row-of-filing-cabinets_i-g-56-5654-phsmg00z.jpg

Will I leave sand for water?

 


 

50f5ac2ba51809240ca1f37b4062e166--tattoo-cat-cat-tattoos

Who Cares?

“Who Cares?” is said by more and more Gen “X”s, “Millennials“, and what ever we’ll be calling the next “sub-standard, tired, uninspired, entitled, over indulgent brats” that will be in charge of the world soon.

– Unknown

Now, everyone thinks that’s the problem.. Truth is, in my opinion, “we” (technically I’ma “millennial”) actully care TOO much! …about Everything.. yet.. Nothing.. and somehow it seems relevant!

I think this generation was born with too many Empaths and not enough teachers for them

.